I was ready to walk out today. I packed up as much personal belongings as I could, and rolled it out to my car during my lunch break. I’ve had enough. I love teaching. I’m good at it. But the workload is no longer sustainable, and all the tools I’ve used over 10 years of teaching at the middle school level isn’t working on student behavior that has become more and more malicious and nihilistic.
As I was coming back in from packing up my things, a more veteran teacher who saw me walking out, came to my room to see how I was doing.
I immediately broke down. And it’s funny cause I had therapy the day before where I talked about my experience at work and the anxiety attacks that were becoming a regular part of my day. We talked about strategies and I felt empowered.
Today, multiple issues popped up at the same time: a student disrespecting another teacher in the hallway, another student constantly blurting out inappropriate things as they’re talking to their classmates, that same student plus others who hit and chase each other around the room, while I’m trying to teach students who want to learn, and push those who do not, and today I had enough.
In my earlier iterations as a teacher, my fellow teachers and I would often say we deserve better than how our students were treating us. We are cursed at or cursed out, mocked or ignored, threatened and expected to show up the next day with a smile and a socio-emotional activity that’s supposed to bring everyone together. And not to mention the documentation and the paperwork and the meetings and the parent phone calls-it’s exhausting. And it’s just not sustainable.
I hate how far the education system has fallen since I was a public school student. I have fond memories of school, of field trips, and of teachers who had the ability to teach the way they saw best without the extreme focus on test scores. And as a public school teacher, I’ve learned first hand what’s needed to improve our education system. It’s really not hard. But if we don’t demand more from our leaders, and more from ourselves, nothing will ever change.
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